Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Waiting Sucks

OK, so I realize that my title for today is not so eloquent, but sometimes the words the fit one's mood best are not English-teacher approved.

Meron's court date was postponed. Apparently this is happening a lot right now, as there are many children's cases that have to be processed and the system is bogged down. Not surprisingly, knowing that does not help much. I'm still waiting, and it still sucks.

I had a dream about Meron last night. We went to Ethiopia, which actually looked more like Europe (I wish), I did not have jetlag, I felt fantastic, and my baby was amazing. She was snuggly, happy, and attached to me immediately. She looked more Hispanic than African, and for a moment I was afraid they had given me the wrong child. I was so content to be holding her, so excited to be her mommy.

I woke up a little surprised. Surprised that this was the first time I had dreamt about Meron, and surprised that I was so happy in my dream. After all, I have been writing mostly about my fears and apprehension at adding one more child to my already hectic and sleep-deprived life. I would have predicted a dream filled with fatigue, frustration, and maybe a baby whose head spun around on its shoulders. But instead I had this beautiful little baby. Somewhere in my unconscious, I really am excited to be mommy to two.

If I had to guess, I'd say this dream was inspired by the wonderful day I had yesterday with Eliana (I just realized now that I should have taken pictures - I'm so bad at that!!). We spent 3 hours planting a garden of wild flowers in the front yard. She was such a trooper. It was hot as blazes, and yet she hung in there with me, wearing her Princess baseball cap and gobs of sunscreen, going to the nursery to find flowers, shoveling away at the dirt, picking up worms, going back to the nursery because we needed more dirt, watering it all down, picking up empty cartons, and getting very, very dirty. Afterwards, we sat down to lunch, and I asked her what she thought about staying home with me during the day. She replied, "I like being home, but staying home with you makes me tired." I could have responded in kind, but I didn't. I just laughed.

I cannot emphasize enough how much more fun it is for me to parent a toddler than to mother a baby. Eliana and I can bake cookies together, plant gardens together, go to the swimming pool, the gym, the zoo, the park, or just stay home and read books or watch movies. I will be sad when this phase of her life ends, and perhaps that is why I'm now so excited at the prospect of getting to do it all over again.

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