Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Eliana's last day as an only child

That is how I think of today. It is Eliana's last day of being the only kid in her parents' spotlight. It is the last week in which she gets to think of herself as the lone being in the center of someone's universe. For 4 years, it's been Eliana and Mama, a little team. Sure, there's Papa, too, but she and I have spent a lot of time just the two of us, and even though there have been difficult moments in there, it's fused us together in a way that makes it hard to imagine another little person finding a place to squeeze in. In short, I don't want it to be over. I say all of these things knowing that Meron will find her way in, and once we've all adjusted, we'll be a tight little group once again, and I will look back on this day and wonder why I was so nervous about the change. Anyway, I decided to keep Eliana with me all day. We've done a few craft projects, hung out at Tillie's Bean, and after her rest time, we'll probably go swimming. I thought that would be a nice way to spend our last day as just the two of us.

We're pretty much packed, although I had hoped to get more done on the house before we left. I suppose you could say that we had too much on our plate to realistically accomplish everything. I suppose you could say that.

My writing instructor asked me last night if I was thrilled to be leaving Thursday. I replied that "thrilled" probably wasn't the best word. Terrified, apprehensive, nervous, excited in a nail-chewing kind of way. Yes, I'm excited, but I'm also completed terrified. And I can't really articulate my reasons. So I won't. I've been in a funk all week, without really knowing on a conscious level what is going on inside of me. Maybe I don't want to know. Maybe I'd rather just let my unconscious conflicts duke it on below my level of awareness and hope for the best.

I'm planning to post while in Ethiopia, so please tune in over the next 10 days to learn about our adventure as it happens. Hopefully we'll be able to post pictures as well.

I guess I will end today's post. It's shorter than I thought it would be, but quite honestly, I can't seem to make my thoughts coelesce well enough to put down on paper.

Wish us luck.

1 comment:

Melanie said...

I'm excited to hear from you from Ethiopia......This is Mel from the Forum....