Friday, August 31, 2007

A Long Time Gone

Clearly, I haven't been posting for a while, and I'm sorry to any of you who have been checking in for updates. I guess I just got caught up in other things. Like trying to sell our house, make some money, raise a baby...little things like that. There is so much that has gone on, I guess I've been avoiding writing it all down because I knew it would take time. Time that should be spent cleaning the kitchen in case someone comes by to see the house.

But let's start with that. The house. Boy, if you don't have to sell your house right now, by all means, don't. It is a SLUGGISH market, which you've no doubt heard by now. No one is buying, and too many people are sellin'. I personally blame the media. All this talk about the housing market going to hell is scaring people away, people who would probably have no trouble getting a mortgage, perfectly good people who should be buying OUR house. The fact is, there is nothing inherently wrong with the housing market - it's actually a really good time to buy, if you have good credit and a reasonable income. You just can't buy more than you can really afford like you could a few years ago, and that is a good thing. The bottom line, though, is that right now we do not have any prospective buyers and I'm doing my darndest not to freak out yet.

On to other things.

The baby is good. She's really good. Great even. Attachment is going so well she won't let anyone hold her when I'm around. When discussing this from a detached point of view, this is awesome and exactly what we want to happen. From a more personal vantage point, it can be really hard. When Paul comes home, that's supposed to be my "me time," at least enough time to make dinner, anyway. But with each passing day of mother-baby bonding, she becomes less interested in being with papa minus mama. It's all mama all the time, and it can be exhausting. Today at Eliana's gymnastics class, a bee got in her bonnet (not literally) about something, and man did she let everyone in the entire gymnasium know how unhappy she was. From then until bedtime, she made it very clear that I would be the only one holding her, and woe befell me if I tried to shirk my duties as baby-holder. When papa came near, she grabbed a fistfull of my neck skin with one hand and clutched my shoulder with the other, laying her head firmly on my chest. No, there is no question that attachment is indeed happening, and I'm a little nervous about blowing it somehow.

And man is she gorgeous. Here are two from last week. Have you ever seen such a beautiful baby?!

I'm pretty in love with this little face here. She's very smiley (as long as I'm within 8 inches of her person), sleeps well most of the time, and eats like a champ. With each day she gets a little bit stronger, and cognitively she is right on target. I can't imagine a more perfect baby. We really, really got lucky.

Then there's my other baby. She's also doing really well, especially when I let her nap in the afternoon. We've concluded that sleep is really the key to Eliana's well-being and good behavior. When she's tired, she miserable and takes it out on us. The problem is when she naps in the afternoon, she's unable to fall asleep at night until close to 10pm. This happens even when I wake her up after an hour. It's hard to know which is worse - a grumpy kid or one who falls asleep when we do. Today I went with happy night owl. Yesterday I chose the grumpy option, and coped with the torture by taking pictures of her, like so:

This is my pouty little super model, Eliana.

And finally, before I crawl into bed, I have to put something out there: As much as I love my girls, I really, really, really don't like being a stay at home mom. I know there are thousands of women out there who would give anything to quit their jobs and stay at home tending to the little ones, and I should be grateful that I have the option to stay home for more than six weeks, but I am climbing the walls. Hour after hour of rolling a ball back and forth, doing puzzles, reading Cinderella, helping a baby learn to sit doesn't exactly stimulate one's mind. It has its really great moments, and I recognize its importance in the little ones' lives, but 14 hours a day is just too much. It's too much of anything, really. I need a break. I need to feel my brain working on more than just figuring out what I did with the canister of formula I swear I just bought. I envy women who feel completely fulfilled gluing foam flowers onto pipe cleaners, playing ABC Bingo, and rolling around on the floor all day, but I am never going to be one of them. I just have to decide at what point my need to be away does not come at the expense of my newest child's development as a secure, happy individual.

1 comment:

Rudnicks said...

Amen sister. Weekends are enough with the little buggers.